Depression. I’d get to the place where I couldn’t get out of the bed. I couldn’t shower. I wouldn’t eat. I wouldn’t take care of myself. And then all of sudden, I’d go through these cycles where I had all this energy, and I was going to land a job, and I’d stay up all night, and I really understood what I was going to do with the rest of my life, go out and put in applications. And then I’d go through those periods again where I couldn’t get out of bed.

I was offered a job about six years ago in mental health… He hired me on the spot. And I remember walking out, I have a job. And then being terrified! Am I going to lose it, like I’ve lost all the other ones? My record was at that point, by age 26, I think the longest I’d held a job was maybe 6 months. But with help, with voc rehab, now I’m stable on medication and I’m clean and sober. With my faith, just okay God, I’m going to do the very best that I can.

I’ve talked to members of Congress and their staff about the things I’ve been able to do in the last couple years and accomplish. And I think how 14 years ago I crawled out of a garbage can, and I was one of these people that society had written off. I know recovery is possible. Nobody can tell me any differently.

My family was educated and it was explained to them, “This is what’s going on with Ray.” And they realized it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t my fault. That this was in fact illness. That really served as a catalyst for my recovery and we could get to the point where we were on the same side.

Stigma. If you look at it from a disability perspective, if I were to get up, and very righteously go talk about anybody with a physical disability in a wheel chair, or anybody developmentally disabled, it would be an outrage! And very rightly so. If I were to get on ABC and talk to Larry King and come up with these horrible jokes, they’d have me! But with mental health, it’s fine.

What was most painful is that for six years I did everything I could to get better. I stopped drinking, I stopped using drugs, I was looking for employment. And I think that’s the heartbreaker. I did everything I could, and I wasn’t being successful, and nobody could tell me why! Nobody could tell me, “Hey, you have this illness.” So I really get it why people give up.

I remember the pastor at one point sitting there and telling me, “Well, if you really have faith in God, you don’t have to take medication.” I remember the feeling of, it was almost like somehow I’m cheating, and I don’t have enough faith in God because I’m taking medication. I struggled with that, and it was tough, and finally I got to a place where it’s like ... God heals through the natural and supernatural. For me right now, he’s choosing to heal through the natural.

I think there needs to be a bridge connecting the faith community with the mental health community. Generally speaking, it’s been a pretty hostile relationship. But we are really dealing with the same people that are hurting. I think it would do the faith community well to get up to date with what’s going on with mental illnesses, and get this information, because to tell someone who is ill, “You don’t have enough faith,” that’s why people stop taking their medication. And then a tragedy occurs.