I was different. I was very sad. I wasn’t happy. And I was always getting in trouble at school, ‘cause I couldn’t [get in trouble] at home. I’d be in trouble at school, and didn’t get good grades because my mind was elsewhere.  I started going to the doctor when I was six. He diagnosed me with childhood schizophrenia. I was put on thorazene at a very young age… It just made me sleepy basically. It was just to control me, I guess.

I was with the adults at EG Williams, on the third floor. I was terrified because it was all adults, and I had never seen people acting like that. I was literally scared to death. At that time I was only about nine. ... I remember when somebody had a seizure and I would just, totally lose it. I didn’t understand what was going on. And people were just awful, and it scared me.

My hopes and dreams ... well it’s too late now, I’m 52. I wish I could have ... been quote “normal”. Had a job, you know. Been able to have children. Lived in a big house, had a family, and all that, but … it just wasn’t meant to be.

What’s ahead for me? I don’t think anybody knows what the futures brings, but I just think we just do the best we can and see what happens. You know, I think as long as I remain positive that I’ll be all right.

I’m no longer at Wal-mart... I was there almost a year. Then I was absent from the job for about 2 months because I had a stroke, and I had to get better because my memory was affected, and my vision, and I had to get all that taken care of… It was a good job, it kept my mind was busy, I was just like everybody else, you know, working like everybody else and… was making my own way.

I liked the job, and everything, but it was very tiring. Very, very tiring, and it was effecting my SSI checks, and my health insurance, which is very important, 'cause I had to take a lot of medicines. Since I had the stroke, there’s a bunch of stuff I have to take, and I was going to lose my health insurance, and lose all that… Because I made too much money, and I couldn’t get health insurance through them. They said I had to wait two years, and it would only be partial and I needed more than that.

The system wants to keep you as you are. They want you to work, they encourage it, but then they come right back at you, and then you lose everything, and… you know, it’s hard once you’re in the system to get out. You really can’t win. It’s a no-win situation.

You’re just basically a number. Like when I went down there, and tried to reapply for my Medicaid, she was very nasty, and she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. “How come you don’t have this or that?” And then she popped it right up on the computer and get everything she knows, and needed and all that, they treat you like they’re better than you are, but, they’re not. We’re all the same. We’re all the same, some have problems, some don’t. To have an illness, especially this kind, people just look at you different, but it’s no different than any other illness. It’s not.

It’s just the same rush rush thing, [with doctors] where you know, let's get to the next one. The same old questions like, you know, do you hear voices? Or this or that, the same old thing liked they’re programmed. You know, like they’re from the book. Programmed, you know, it’s not, it’s not like they’re really trying to help you, it’s just what they’ve been taught, you know, and hurry up and get to the next one, we got a lot of people, you know, so I don’t see much difference in that part.